Why Mother Teresa Went Broke With Jesus

If there is anyone who personified the essence ofMother Teresa. At her core, Mother Teresa
the dubious Christian belief that Jesus wants youendured anguish because she never felt loved.
to be broke, it was Mother Teresa.This is not all that surprising. How can someone
For years, she was widely revered as an examplewho is nothing feel that she is loved? Nothing is
of Christian selflessness. She was awarded thenothing. How do you love nothing?
Nobel Peace Prize for her work in Calcutta amongMother Teresa devoted her life to Jesus but had
the poorest of the poor.no assurance that she mattered as a person.
The mega-hit "The Secret" perpetuates thisWhile she spoke of God's love for others, she
assessment of Mother Teresa. According to theherself felt abandoned, alone, unloved, and bereft
movie, she knew and used the "Law ofof God's love.
Attraction," and did "so much good in the world."This core belief lies at the heart of so much
To challenge this public image of Mother TeresaChristian anguish, not just for Mother Teresa, but
as the epitome of Christian virtue is somethingfor others, including myself as a young child.
like saying you don't like dogs, that you areMy own Christian education taught me what
against motherhood, and apple pie, that you hateMother Teresa learned. I was nothing. I was
baseball. It is a taboo, a sacred cow. Who couldworth nothing. I deserved nothing. At the same
possibly say anything critical of Mother Teresa?time, I was obligated to meet the needs of
The most recent issue of Time magazineothers. This is a burden that is especially heavy on
(September 3, 2007 issue) devotes its covergirls and women, who often learn that loving God
story to Mother Theresa. The article, "The Secretmeans surrender of self in the service of others.
Life Of Mother Teresa," concerns a book aboutAs a young female child growing up in a family
letters that Mother Teresa wrote over a periodwhere being female meant that I was flawed to
of fifty years. These were letters that shethe core, I learned from church that "God loves all
herself wanted destroyed.men." There was never a moment when I felt
At this point, I have not read the book. I haveincluded in that love, because I was that most
only read the excerpts from the article in Timedefective of all creatures. I was a female child,
Magazine. The letters make clear that Motherand I believed at the deepest core of my being
Teresa was a woman who lived with greatthat God the Father had no love for me.
conflict at her core about her relationship withMy book in progress, "Going Broke With Jesus," is
God and with Jesus.my own response to the anguish I read about in
I must acknowledge that I always had my doubtsthe letters of Mother Teresa and the anguish I
about Mother Teresa, and her model of Christianexperienced as a child growing up convinced that I
service. Contrary to widespread belief that Mothermattered only to God as a servant, not as a
Teresa was living the exemplary life of a trueperson. I know that I am not alone in this core
saint, I saw Mother Teresa as a prime exemplarbelief.
of misguided devotion in the service of profoundlyI have encountered so many others who doubt
unbiblical theology.their own worth, and much of it goes back to a
Although I cannot explain everything I mean bydistorted Christian teaching that the only people
this statement in a single article, the place to beginwho matter are other people.
is with her apparent core belief that she herselfI have spent much of my adult life as a biblical
was worth nothing.scholar. I learned the biblical languages of Greek
She wrote that Jesus commanded her to serveand Hebrew. I studied the economic and social
the poor with these words:conditions of the ancient world. I immersed myself
"You are I know the most incapablein religious beliefs of the era. My study
person--weak and sinful but just because you aredemonstrated to me how much of what I learned
that--I want to use you for My glory."violated the Bible itself.
In other words, the only way she could glorifyAfter all of my study, I understand how Christian
Jesus was to serve the poorest of the poor, andteaching can create anguish in the lives of both
to be poor herself. Yet, despite her willingness tobelievers and non-believers because of what I call
be poor to glorify Jesus, she could not feel that"Bad Bible." Bad Bible" distorts the original intentions
God or Jesus loved her.behind biblical writings to persuade human beings
Behind Mother Teresa's noble service was herthat they are not worthy of love. They do not
belief that she herself was nothing. She wroteunderstand how the Bible has been used as a
pained letters to spiritual advisors for more thanweapon against the weak.
fifty years. While Mother Teresa shared herFor me, Mother Teresa is the best example I
anguish with spiritual advisors, she spoke publiclyknow of the effect of "Bad Bible" on the weak.
about living with the kind of love and joy that sheThe tragedy is that she devoted herself, with
herself didn't feel.utterly selfless devotion, to be an instrument of
Her letters, which are so contrary to her publicthe kind of love that she herself could not feel.
image, leads to the question: Was Mother TeresaShe offered compassion that she herself did not
a hypocrite? At one level, she was. She knewexperience. She tried to relieve suffering while she
that her public image didn't match her innerherself endured anguish. In reality, no one can feel
experience.truly loved who is taught to think of herself as
Yet, hypocrisy is not the deepest truth aboutnothing.