You Say Grandpa, I Say Deda

I was born with two grandmothers but only onethree granddaughters, and great-grandson. The
grandfather. In nature's rules of familial supply andonly way he carried children, once they were old
demand, my Deda (Russian for grandpa) is aenough, was perched on top of his shoulders, as if
priceless asset; a family value very muchin a game of Chicken.
treasured.• He has had 11 surgeries, including two for
While my relationship with Deda has spanned thethroat cancer. The second throat surgery left him
course of three decades, our one-on-oneforever without a voice box and with a
interaction has always been slightly superficial. Itpermanent stoma - a hole in his neck, through
seems that in retrospect most of our bonding haswhich he breathes, coughs and sneezes. When he
been when he had been sick in the hospital and Ishowers, if he gets water down his hole, he'll
had come to visit. I've always suspected that ourchoke - drowning himself. Deda now speaks
bond may be different if I was a boy, but naturerobotically, yet emphatically, and with limited
dealt him three granddaughters and my sister, avolume control, by applying an artificial speaking
tomboy through childhood, quickly became hisdevice to his neck.
favorite.• During his life in Russia, my grandfather
Grandparents stories are lessons, anecdotes, aserved seven years in the air force unit of the
light cast on the doubt of the past. I want toRussian military. A month of his time there was
learn the details of the stories that, piecedspent in an army hospital with clinical laryngitis.
together, define their multi-hued life. These tales,• Deda had one sister who died during the
when retold, should show the future generationSecond World War. This is one of our family's
the vivacity and the strength of the thread thatmost famous retold stories.
held this family together.My grandfather's sister, Biba, was madly in love
As my grandmother recently crossed the lineand engaged to be married when her fiancé
from cancer victim to cancer survivor, I began tojoined the Russian army during World War II.
scrutinize the life she lived; the life she createdDevoted, he sent her letters every day for a
and shared with my Deda. I try to imagine myyear. Until one day he didn't. Instead of a love
grandparents' lives as an expanding quilt of vividlyletter, the mail brought a death certificate.
colorful squares, each of life's hurdles, a newBiba was broken hearted - a love wasted, a
vibrant patch.future shattered. Loyal to a cause that was never
I thought hard about my Deda's life; the familytruly his, she enlisted as a nurse at the war front.
patriarch. What did I really know about him? ITwo months later, the entire army hospital was
know some of the idiosyncrasies of hisbombed. Another death certificate arrived in the
personality; things that define Deda to me -mail.
descriptive phrases that pop up, wordSeveral years after the war, when the world was
association-style when prompted with his name.a different place - everyone was displaced, lives
• Deda believes in tradition. He's loyal and hewere beginning and ending at the same time. The
believes in right and wrong, in commitment, inknock on my grandparents' door was unexpected.
maintaining strong work ethic.My mother, then a young child answered the door
• Deda drinks only coffee and red wine. Theto an unfamiliar man in a wheelchair. He was
former with breakfast, the latter with dinner.asking for Biba.
• He loves his wife and he loves his family. AsIt was the fiancé. He wasn't dead but she was.
the cornerstones of his life, I think those are hisA family tragedy; our very own Romeo and Juliet.
truths and his strengths.At 82, Deda seems frustrated, sometimes even
• True to his Russian roots, Deda likes todefeated. A new country forced upon him, a new
boast of his tolerance for pain. After anlanguage permeated his world, a new job starting
open-heart surgery, he continually bragged howfrom the very bottom. His voice stripped, his
he never pushed the self-controlled painheart weakened, his family hurting when he
medications. Not once, he insisted. The IV dripcouldn't always solve their problems.
stood next to his bed, an unused crutch.His life has been a series of events that has both
• Deda loves to drive. My grandmother hasstrengthened him and left him feeling a bit
never learned to drive and he prides himself onconquered. I am sure that he does not view his
being her chauffeur. It is important for Deda tolife as a series of conquests over incredulous
have purpose, to be useful. Retirement broughtchallenges. I am certain that he looks back at a
him to a darker place, a light most certainlypath of struggle that in the end, left him weaker,
dimmed in his eyes after he no longer had a joband often silent.
to go to.Deep down I think Deda has a freak flag - or
• In Russia, they owned both a VW bug and aleast a trunk full of secret memories that were
motorboat.only his. A life he lived before us - before he
• Deda never held babies in the traditionalstarted planting the roots of our family tree.
baby-holding way. This includes his son, daughter,