| I was born with two grandmothers but only one | | | | three granddaughters, and great-grandson. The |
| grandfather. In nature's rules of familial supply and | | | | only way he carried children, once they were old |
| demand, my Deda (Russian for grandpa) is a | | | | enough, was perched on top of his shoulders, as if |
| priceless asset; a family value very much | | | | in a game of Chicken. |
| treasured. | | | | • He has had 11 surgeries, including two for |
| While my relationship with Deda has spanned the | | | | throat cancer. The second throat surgery left him |
| course of three decades, our one-on-one | | | | forever without a voice box and with a |
| interaction has always been slightly superficial. It | | | | permanent stoma - a hole in his neck, through |
| seems that in retrospect most of our bonding has | | | | which he breathes, coughs and sneezes. When he |
| been when he had been sick in the hospital and I | | | | showers, if he gets water down his hole, he'll |
| had come to visit. I've always suspected that our | | | | choke - drowning himself. Deda now speaks |
| bond may be different if I was a boy, but nature | | | | robotically, yet emphatically, and with limited |
| dealt him three granddaughters and my sister, a | | | | volume control, by applying an artificial speaking |
| tomboy through childhood, quickly became his | | | | device to his neck. |
| favorite. | | | | • During his life in Russia, my grandfather |
| Grandparents stories are lessons, anecdotes, a | | | | served seven years in the air force unit of the |
| light cast on the doubt of the past. I want to | | | | Russian military. A month of his time there was |
| learn the details of the stories that, pieced | | | | spent in an army hospital with clinical laryngitis. |
| together, define their multi-hued life. These tales, | | | | • Deda had one sister who died during the |
| when retold, should show the future generation | | | | Second World War. This is one of our family's |
| the vivacity and the strength of the thread that | | | | most famous retold stories. |
| held this family together. | | | | My grandfather's sister, Biba, was madly in love |
| As my grandmother recently crossed the line | | | | and engaged to be married when her fiancé |
| from cancer victim to cancer survivor, I began to | | | | joined the Russian army during World War II. |
| scrutinize the life she lived; the life she created | | | | Devoted, he sent her letters every day for a |
| and shared with my Deda. I try to imagine my | | | | year. Until one day he didn't. Instead of a love |
| grandparents' lives as an expanding quilt of vividly | | | | letter, the mail brought a death certificate. |
| colorful squares, each of life's hurdles, a new | | | | Biba was broken hearted - a love wasted, a |
| vibrant patch. | | | | future shattered. Loyal to a cause that was never |
| I thought hard about my Deda's life; the family | | | | truly his, she enlisted as a nurse at the war front. |
| patriarch. What did I really know about him? I | | | | Two months later, the entire army hospital was |
| know some of the idiosyncrasies of his | | | | bombed. Another death certificate arrived in the |
| personality; things that define Deda to me - | | | | mail. |
| descriptive phrases that pop up, word | | | | Several years after the war, when the world was |
| association-style when prompted with his name. | | | | a different place - everyone was displaced, lives |
| • Deda believes in tradition. He's loyal and he | | | | were beginning and ending at the same time. The |
| believes in right and wrong, in commitment, in | | | | knock on my grandparents' door was unexpected. |
| maintaining strong work ethic. | | | | My mother, then a young child answered the door |
| • Deda drinks only coffee and red wine. The | | | | to an unfamiliar man in a wheelchair. He was |
| former with breakfast, the latter with dinner. | | | | asking for Biba. |
| • He loves his wife and he loves his family. As | | | | It was the fiancé. He wasn't dead but she was. |
| the cornerstones of his life, I think those are his | | | | A family tragedy; our very own Romeo and Juliet. |
| truths and his strengths. | | | | At 82, Deda seems frustrated, sometimes even |
| • True to his Russian roots, Deda likes to | | | | defeated. A new country forced upon him, a new |
| boast of his tolerance for pain. After an | | | | language permeated his world, a new job starting |
| open-heart surgery, he continually bragged how | | | | from the very bottom. His voice stripped, his |
| he never pushed the self-controlled pain | | | | heart weakened, his family hurting when he |
| medications. Not once, he insisted. The IV drip | | | | couldn't always solve their problems. |
| stood next to his bed, an unused crutch. | | | | His life has been a series of events that has both |
| • Deda loves to drive. My grandmother has | | | | strengthened him and left him feeling a bit |
| never learned to drive and he prides himself on | | | | conquered. I am sure that he does not view his |
| being her chauffeur. It is important for Deda to | | | | life as a series of conquests over incredulous |
| have purpose, to be useful. Retirement brought | | | | challenges. I am certain that he looks back at a |
| him to a darker place, a light most certainly | | | | path of struggle that in the end, left him weaker, |
| dimmed in his eyes after he no longer had a job | | | | and often silent. |
| to go to. | | | | Deep down I think Deda has a freak flag - or |
| • In Russia, they owned both a VW bug and a | | | | least a trunk full of secret memories that were |
| motorboat. | | | | only his. A life he lived before us - before he |
| • Deda never held babies in the traditional | | | | started planting the roots of our family tree. |
| baby-holding way. This includes his son, daughter, | | | | |